we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
