Soap is not a condiment
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
