I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
