I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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