If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
