Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
