failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
