I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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