is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
