that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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