Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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