The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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