fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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