I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
