god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
