His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
