The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
