God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize