you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
