I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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