11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize