I am in a vortex of obligation.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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