I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
