I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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