hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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