Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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