why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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