In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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