We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
