After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize