just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
