I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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