Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
