just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
