I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
