there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize