Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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