Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
