Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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