I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
