I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize