i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
