i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Can I color on your dick again?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
