I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
