Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
