Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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