i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
