Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
