He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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