hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize