And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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