it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
