I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just gift wrapped bread.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
