these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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