We named our party play list daddy issues
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
