I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize