I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
