I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm like, not good at living.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
