So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is it because I queefed?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
