I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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