sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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