I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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