I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
