Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
