So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
