i barfeds in our rink
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
