Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need to sanitize my soul.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
