And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
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