Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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