Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
