I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
