You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
