There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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