I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
