Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
