What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
