Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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