my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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