bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
