Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
