we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
