Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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