Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
