My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
