dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
